My first experience with my own sexuality must have been around the time I started to notice that boys were no longer looking at me like I was pal. Instead of asking me to go dirt bike riding and shooting practice, they would ask me to go to the movies and hold their hands. I didn't quite understand this change in them and just went along with it for a while. That is until I was about thirteen years old and I noticed that I had a crush on my older brother's best friend who was seventeen. We will call him Roy.
Roy was handsome, tall, kind, and always made sure to pay attention to me when he came over. He held my hand a lot and I loved it. I sat in his lap when I would tag along with my brother and his friends and we would all go to the gravel pits in the truck to spin out, party, and drink illegally. I made sure that no other girl talked to him while I was around and he didn't seem to mind. My friends adored him too, which made him even more attractive to me. I thought for sure I was going to love Roy my entire life.
One night, my brother asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with them. Of course I agreed and hurried to get dressed in a skirt and button shirt. I asked my dad for some money and was out the door faster than the speed of light. Town was a little over five miles away from our country home so my brother drove. We picked up Roy on our way since he only lived a few blocks from the theater and went to the movie. I can't remember what movie was playing at the time but I do remember sitting between my brother and Roy when my brother got violently sick halfway through and went home. He made Roy promise to get me home safe.
As the movie let out Roy walked me back to his place and we were hand in hand. I didn't realize that his parents had been out of town the last few days so the house was dark. He asked me to come in and I agreed. Leading me to his room where his posters of metal bands hung from the walls I realized that I had never been in a boy's room before.
I was nervous and my hands began to sweat. What if he wanted to kiss me? What if he wanted to do more than kiss? I had no idea what I was doing; I'd never kissed anyone before. I'd seen it in the movies and on TV; I could probably figure it out. Maybe he would teach me? Would it hurt?
These questions rolled through my head one by one. I didn't care that I was only thirteen and he seventeen. All I knew is that this boy liked me and wanted me. Of all the pretty girls he knew he wanted me. He sat on his bed and I noticed he was just about as nervous as I was so I sat next to him. He took my hand again and turned me towards him. He touched my face and put a strand of my hair behind my ear. Smiling he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine.
My heart leapt from my chest and my stomach immediately did summersaults in my gut. We were kissing! I was so excited, and so scared. I didn't quite know how to stop or even if I should stop. I pushed him back onto his bed and straddled him. Our kisses became something more primal than anything I’d seen on television. Passion took over all of my senses and all I wanted was him. I raked my fingers through his hair and down his chest. He took off my shirt and bra to play with my barely there tits. Taking one into his mouth he moaned in pleasure.
“This is how it’s supposed to be,” I thought. Pleasure spiked through me and without hesitation I unbuttoned his pants and reached inside. I’d never seen an actual penis before. Sure, I’d seen one or two in some of my brother’s hidden dirty magazines filled with the naked girls but never one that was so real, so up close, so personal. I held my breath not sure what to do with it once it was out.
It stood at attention and wept for me, an urge to lick it overwhelmed me and I know I was blushing at the thought. Roy smiled gently and whispered, “Its okay. You don’t have to do anything.” He kissed me again on the neck and nipped his teeth over my ear lobe. He lifted my skirt and dipped his fingers under my panties and between the folds of my sex. As if I didn’t have a choice I wrapped my delicate fingers around him and began rubbing him ever so softly.
It felt so good to have his fingers there, working me, and me doing the same to him. I’d never felt the sensations I was feeling and I never wanted them to stop either. I moaned and kissed him again, pushing myself onto his fingers harder, pleading with him silently to keep doing what he was doing. He kept at it for awhile until finally I burst around him, soaking his hand and his pants with my juices. Without a word we both collapsed onto his bed and caught our breaths.
He drove me home after that and we didn’t say much to each other. I stared out the window wondering when we could do that again and what it was that I just did. Was I still a virgin? I had no idea. I vowed not to tell my friends about it and I never did.
In fact, this is the first time I have ever told this story. I never even got the chance to thank him for showing me what pleasure was because he shipped out the next day for the Army. He knew I needed something from him but I didn’t know how to communicate it to him. I didn’t even know I wanted it until he showed it to me. He needed something from me too but I don’t know if I was able to give it to him then. Perhaps if we knew each other today I could thank him for showing me what I needed to know. I have since compared all my boyfriends to this amazing person I knew and how he treated me.
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